So often in life, we spend our days rushing round, trying to meet the daily demands of all that we feel responsible for. We jump from one thing to the next, checking things off of our never ending to do lists. We wonder when life is going to just slow down so we can somehow saver each day a little more. And at the end of the day, we lie awake wondering if we are good enough, strong enough, and capable enough for all the hard stuff this life is full of. Feelings of inadequacy fill our hearts with quiet anxiety and we pray to be shown how to live tomorrow differently. Maybe this is just my story…but I’d like to think that I’m not alone in my feelings of inadequacy.
Motherhood threw me for a bigger loop than I ever could have anticipated. A big, crazy amazing, beautiful loop, but a loop none the less. Those feelings of inadequacy that had been lurking around in my life suddenly were exacerbated by the daunting responsibilities of raising a beautiful little human being, a life that was a reflection of my own. Now each and every decision I made would pave the way of this little girl’s life and I somehow didn’t feel qualified for such an important task. Was I doing it right? I could only hope and pray. I wanted so badly to do right by her in the eyes of the Lord; raising her to live fruitfully in every way possible.
As the holidays drew near this year, I was slowly filling with anxiety rather than excitement and joy. Juggling being a full time new mom and also trying to stay on top of business and home responsibilities was all so unfamiliar to me. Trying to fulfill my roles as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, homemaker, and business owner to what I would judge as my best felt nearly impossible. Each day felt like a race against time and my thoughts raced around as I did my best not to forget the most important things that needed accomplished. As I rocked my sweet Addilee to sleep time and time again, I would ask God to show me a better way…to teach me how to live my one life well and to fill me with faith that surpassed my own understanding; a faith that would quiet these feelings of being inadequate.
As Christmas day approached, my heart was reminded of God’s goodness and His grace. As I admired the sweet sleeping baby in my arms, I imagined what it must have been like for Mary to admire baby Jesus in her arms; how joyful she must have felt to hold the Light of the world and how honored she must have been to be chosen as his mother. Just then it dawned on me… how inadequate she may have felt being entrusted with such responsibility. A young virgin mother, given the greatest gift God could give, without knowing all that there was to know about raising a child, and not just any child… a King and Savior to us all. How filled with doubt and uncertainty she must have been.
Sometimes in life we all feel the weight of our own insecurities and we question if we are enough. God entrusts us with unique gifts and abilities and He does so knowing we will question and we will doubt, but we will also find joy and purpose. Fulfilling the plans that God has for our lives requires faith; faith in a God who doesn’t make mistakes and who created us in his likeness. Faith in a God that would see a broken, fallen world and would send His one and only son into it to save us. Each of us undeserving and yet worthy to receive eternal life.When we feel the weight of the world upon our shoulders we must look to the One who created it all and remember how worthy He must see each and every one of us to have given to us His only son so that we might live forever. To entrust a young mother with such responsibility and to fill her with the faith she would need to overcome any doubt or feeling of inadequacy. And it’s because of this gift bestowed upon Mary long ago that we are all enough. We are enough for all that we are faced with in this life and we are enough to have received the greatest gift of them all, Jesus.